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I was not supposed to write today, because I have a lot of things to do. Although I am sad and I have to evacuate this feeling. Actually, I'm really very sad today. Why do we always have to make choices? Why, in life, can't anything be easy and perfect?

I have a very very good friend. She is basically my best friend. There is no other person on this earth who understands me like she does. Sometimes she understands me better than I understand myself. She is the only one I can really talk to about my thoughts and feelings. I really need and want her to be a part of my life. Also, my new life.

And here is the thing. My new life. She is not a believer. She is Jewish but more culturally than the practicing aspect. Essentially, she is just a 23-years old cynical Parisian living in the 21st century. I feel like she avoids me because I'm one of "those people". I know that she is quite busy right now, so am I, but she doesn't even text me back sometimes. This never happened before. We have also been hanging out much less.

I think my change scares her. That can be scary actually. I am a very passionate person and when I started to truly believe I was so excited I couldn't keep it for myself. I couldn't "shut up"! She is really important to me, so I had to share this with her. Maybe I shared too much, too quickly and in the wrong way.

Maybe she thinks we are too different now... that we appreciate things differently. We don't look at our similar problems in the same way anymore. We have always been a little different in our sameness. However, the gap is much more visible now. What can I do if I feel peace in Jesus and things of the world don't interest me as much anymore?

I know she is kind of unhappy in her life right now. At last, she is not happy. She is missing something like I was. I still miss "things" but I am happy because I have a full life now! Sometimes, I want to tell her to "turn to the Light" but I don't. If I did, I would definitely lose her,

So, do I really have to choose between God and her? Do I really have to leave my past life behind me? I miss our philosophical talks in this Irish pub with live (hard) rock music at 3 am. On the other hand, I don't want to say "no" to God. He gives me peace.

Me & The Bible

One of the most basic practices of Christianity is to read the Bible.

I remember that day in June in Starbucks with Tisha. We were talking about my struggles with Jesus. I used to call myself Catholic, because I grew up in this environment. I knew Jesus as the Son of God and God, so this was not something new for me. However, I wasn't sure if I believed in this or just knew it, because of my experience with the Catholic Church. Then Tisha advised me to read the Bible everyday and to pray that Jesus would revel himself to me as God.

So since then, I have been reading a chapter or two of the Gospel of John every day. Just reading it. I guess I was reading just because I said I would do it, rather than for any other reason. I read the Bible each day for two months, but after this period, I gained nothing but the habit of reading the Bible. It didn't improve my faith.

Afterwards, in August, I went on vacation without my Bible. Guess what? I really missed it!! I had the impression that God wanted to reach me, but He couldn't because of the lack of support. It was like He was trying to call me, but I had left my phone at home.

Now, as I read the Bible, I want even more of God. Even when I try to analyze the text, to better understand it, it’s not enough. I need more! I want to study the Bible to truly understand who God is, how God is, and what he wants to tell me.

Heidi said that Jesus is like a husband to her. So I was thinking about that and wondering how can I talk to Jesus like I would talk to my husband? How can I talk to Him like this, if I don't know Him? I can't. That’s why, like in marriage, I have to look for ways to know Him better every day. How can I do this? Through the Word!! Sure, I can meet God in situations and hear from Him through other people, but the Bible is the basic "tool," the “cell phone” I need to meet God, because it's the Book about Him and His love for us.

The first day of my Life

I decided that it would be good to start by the beginning: the Day when I understood how God led my paths to finally found him. So, here it is, a piece of my journal showing how I felt on that day:

"Wednesday, 2nd September 2009
Ok, today is the first day of my Life! I'm so happy and so excited!!! So excited about my future. I'm not worried about it anymore. I know that no matter what will happen I will be fine, because I will never be alone again. I will not feel lonely, because Jesus God will be with me in every moment of my life."

I was sitting with my very good friend Tisha (she is kind of like my "spiritual guide") in a park in the center of Paris and talking. She opened my eyes to how God had been acting in my life for the past 2 years. How he was bringing me to this place at this time. It was quite a long journey but I now know why I am here.

I really love the way I felt that day. I am a person who is all about feelings. I don't want to think I want to feel things! There is only one problem: it can't be like this everyday. Like today for example. I'm not sad or unhappy but just not so excited about Him. I feel like that is bad and shouldn't be like that. I should always be excited about God, because He loves me and He is excited about all of the things He is going to bring to my life.

One of my other very good friends, Heidi, thinks that a relationship with God should be compared to marriage or to a bond between parents and children. No matter what you feel about your husband or your child today, it doesn't change the fact that they are still a permanent part of your life. God is a permanent part of my life now as well.

Actually, a good word to describe my mood today is "peace" maybe. Yes, I feel peace.

It reminds of one of my favorite verses John 16:33. I want to end with it:

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace."

Because "description" can't have more than 500 caracters

This is a blog about me as a new Believer, about my evolution, my growing up in Jesus, in my relationship with God and its impact on my daily life, my relationships with my Friends non-believers, my views on life and world.
I can't keep all my thoughts for myself and writing them in my journal is not enough either since I need answers to my questions. I was wondering if the steps I have been going by are the same for all new believers or just mine. In my entourage, I have only "mature" believers. They are great and help me a lot in understanding things, but they do not struggle with the same things that I do. So, I started to search on the internet if there was a blog or anything else about a person like me - a new follower of Christ - who wants to share his/her experiences. I didn't find any. I hope that by sharing my thoughts I will make other new believers feel like they are alone with these new feelings, questions and fears. So, even if there is only one person who after reading what I am living will say: "Gosh, I'm not the only one feeling like this is so hard. I'm not weird, others struggle like me." the blog will have done its job well.