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I was not supposed to write today, because I have a lot of things to do. Although I am sad and I have to evacuate this feeling. Actually, I'm really very sad today. Why do we always have to make choices? Why, in life, can't anything be easy and perfect?

I have a very very good friend. She is basically my best friend. There is no other person on this earth who understands me like she does. Sometimes she understands me better than I understand myself. She is the only one I can really talk to about my thoughts and feelings. I really need and want her to be a part of my life. Also, my new life.

And here is the thing. My new life. She is not a believer. She is Jewish but more culturally than the practicing aspect. Essentially, she is just a 23-years old cynical Parisian living in the 21st century. I feel like she avoids me because I'm one of "those people". I know that she is quite busy right now, so am I, but she doesn't even text me back sometimes. This never happened before. We have also been hanging out much less.

I think my change scares her. That can be scary actually. I am a very passionate person and when I started to truly believe I was so excited I couldn't keep it for myself. I couldn't "shut up"! She is really important to me, so I had to share this with her. Maybe I shared too much, too quickly and in the wrong way.

Maybe she thinks we are too different now... that we appreciate things differently. We don't look at our similar problems in the same way anymore. We have always been a little different in our sameness. However, the gap is much more visible now. What can I do if I feel peace in Jesus and things of the world don't interest me as much anymore?

I know she is kind of unhappy in her life right now. At last, she is not happy. She is missing something like I was. I still miss "things" but I am happy because I have a full life now! Sometimes, I want to tell her to "turn to the Light" but I don't. If I did, I would definitely lose her,

So, do I really have to choose between God and her? Do I really have to leave my past life behind me? I miss our philosophical talks in this Irish pub with live (hard) rock music at 3 am. On the other hand, I don't want to say "no" to God. He gives me peace.